“I’m Praying for You” is not an Insult
This will be a short post. More of a musing actually. Perhaps a passing thought.
How do unsaved people think of the phrase “I’m praying for you”? I have said this a number of times to people who either don’t profess to be saved or who don’t really know if they are, and quite a few who voiced no interest in becoming so.
I am generally one of those people who really does follow through with said praying. I see it as a means of testimony in a way, a sort of put-a-pebble-in-their-shoe type of practice in order to keep them aware that there is a Christian in their life; a Christian who cares about them and will give them Gospel at some point.
I can tell you from only the heuristic of my personal experience, that when you say it to most lost people, that they don't typically see prayer as a means of asking positively for something. That would be an aspect of prayer that is normal to the Christian, or at least should be. Rather, it seems they find it a little insulting that I’m praying for them. It is almost viewed as, "You must think I have a spiritual problem or weakness if you're praying for me!" To them, prayer is viewed as negative response to flaw, not a positive petition for something. It’s subtle, I know, but that’s how it seems.
Truth be told, for an unsaved person, there is a problem. They’re not born again! They have not been reconciled with God and are thus slated for Divine justice. But I don’t usually tell them at that moment, “I’m praying you repent of your sins and trust Christ.” That’s usually a different scenario. I typically don’t elaborate on what my prayer is for. If they seem to be having a tough time, I just voice the fact that I will be praying for them. My attitude is not one of, “Man, do they ever need help”, but rather, “Lord, give them what they need right now.” If what they need right now is the New Birth, then so be it.
Yet I find rather frequently in our part of the country that instead of saying, “Thanks, I need it.” as they often do in other parts of the country, instead they get a bit awkward. It’s kind of like a guy who asks a, ahem, larger woman “When are you due?” when she’s not pregnant. You can tell she’s bothered, but social constraints prevent her from ripping off his arm and beating him with it. That’s often how it is when I tell a lost person, “I’m praying for you.” It is almost viewed as a “holier than thou” thing to say. And that is of course not how I mean it.
I think it simply may bely the very same self-righteousness that prevents someone from repenting in the first place. What do you think? Should we even use that phrase with people we know are not born again? Or, are we casting “pearls before swine”?
This article was transferred from my previous site. Here are what others said at the time of the original writing…
“These are good thoughts. For me, in thinking about your muse, my experience/opinion has been sort of two groups. I seem to get more of the thankful attitude when I say that to someone I know or even only sort of know as an acquaintance, or perhaps only know by name through another person. Just the fact that I know them, or at least that I’ve introduced myself and I know a guy/gal that they know, changes the dynamic enough that they sort of drop some of their defensiveness. But, on the flip side, when it’s a complete stranger, and I have no connection to them through someone else or an event or anything, that’s when it becomes more of how you described, where it’s a “who are you and who do you think you are to tell me you’re praying for me” sort of response. So I’ve held off sometimes from saying “I’m praying for you” to those folks (perhaps that me not being bold enough in the confrontation), and generally just end up saying something like “I hope you’ll give it some thought”. But for the others, they usually seem more “okay” with me praying for them even if they don’t get why.” — Roger